Posts Tagged With: turning 40

Secrets and Lies

I’ve been keeping a secret from my husband since August 1st. It involved lying about and hiding money, several “lies of omission” and talking about him behind his back to our friends and family. I had to clear the cache on the computer several times because of my internet trolling, and my secrets almost slipped out so many times, I just had to stop talking about certain things. I felt bad. I was tired of the lies and secrets. So this morning, I got him up early and told him to pack his shit.

I told him he had one hour and we were leaving. We threw our crap in the car (after kissing our sweet little sleeping boys g’bye), picked up my sister and brother-in-law, then we headed to the airport. When we got to the airport, I got up to the agent first and told her to keep our final destination quiet because I’d been lying and keeping secrets from my husband for so many months, to have one of them blab it before I was ready would be insulting. It worked. We got on the plane and landed in Atlanta.  I gave him the gate/flight number and had him figure out himself where we were going. Heh heh, evil, ain’t it?

My friends, on August 1st, I purchased a vacation to Vegas for my husband’s 40th birthday. It’s finally freaking here because one more week of keeping secrets and lying was gonna kill me!  And by the way, I arranged for his parents to come visit “for his birthday” and watch the kids for us. I owe this trip to them.

This trip is going to fit right into our "Epic-est" Year, that's for sure.

This trip is going to fit right into our “Epic-est” Year, that’s for sure.

So for the next several days, we are going to be having way too much fun celebrating life, having fun with each other and the few friends/family who could come with us, and oh, yes I brought my running shoes.

Las Vegas strip, here we come!

Las Vegas strip, here we come!

SUPRISE AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FRIEND, MY LOVE, MY HUSBAND!

From our trip a few years back.

From our trip a few years back.

Categories: las vegas, marathon | Tags: , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

I’m 40 and I Really Don’t Give a Rats A$$

Forty. Four-tee.  Four-diddly-oh.  Oh shit I’m forty.  Four times ten.  Thirty plus ten.  Fifty minus ten (I admit I’m not ready for that one yet.)  Over the hill. Old. Ancient. Holy crap.  Forty is the new thirty. Twenty-nine again. Middle aged. Half way to eighty. Midlife.

My birthday was yesterday.  So what did I do to celebrate?  The first thing is that I had a really good run in the nice cool air. Oh wait, NO I DIDN’T.  I was banned from running, even on my 40th birthday, because of my stupid shin splints. So after I got lots of hugs and kisses from my kids and sent them on their merry way to school, I headed to the gym of all places, so I could be a good student to my coach and hop on the elliptical for 50 minutes.  Then I did whatever I wanted and ate whatever I wanted and bossed people around. It was awesome.  My husband doesn’t know what makes that different from any other day, but that’s not the point.

Tour of Historic Wilmington

Tour of Historic Wilmington

Yesterday, I turned 40.  Yup, the big FOUR-OH.  And I don’t care.  I really don’t. I think I’ve been anticipating this for over a year now, so I’m actually relieved that it’s finally here! I’ve heard that when you’re in your forties, you stop caring about those little things that don’t matter. I think I got a head start on that one.  I don’t have the perfect body, the perfect clean house, the perfect anything.  I swear. I get mad, I get happy, some days I’m both within five seconds.  But I don’t care. That’s just me.  It’s helped that we’ve been through a lot of crap the last few years. A lot of it hasn’t been good and has caused us a tremendous amount of stress (which caused the swearing to increase). But that’s really what life IS, isn’t it? I’m thankful for all my experiences, where they’ve led me and who I’ve gotten to know because of them. Many of my dreams have come true.  I have so many more that I want to pursue, too.  They’ll come when I can fit them in between following my other dreams and doing my duty as a mom, as long as it’s balanced with letting me be me.

I went to the beach. Because I could.

So what did I do to celebrate besides anything I wanted and running working out on the elliptical? I went to tour the historic part of my favorite city. I had a really good drink with a crab cake with lunch. I went to the beach. I read about a thousand “Happy Birthday” messages from friends and family on Facebook. I was called old.  (You all know who you are.) I was given the most thoughtful gifts from a friend and my family. I danced. I sang. I had fun. I drank beer. I toured more of historic down town and heard stories of people in the past. I drank more beer. It. Was. Perfect. Why would I care about turning 40 when I am happy? Isn’t it more about how you FEEL than how old you are?  Isn’t age just a number?  Or is that something that old people say to make ourselves feel better?   Hmmmm, I guess we’ll never know.

And you know what I did today? I had my first ever pool workout (remember because I have shin splints?) compliments and coached by my very own sister. I have to admit it was challenging and I did gag on the water. But I’m coming back and I look forward to learning a new sport. I’m hungry for it.

So what “words of wisdom” can I give for anyone, no matter where you are on the time-line of life?  Hmmmm, live. That’s it. Live your life. Do what you want, which is not to be confused with or switched with doing WHATEVER you want – there’s a big difference. Have goals. Have fun. LIVE your life.

40 – Old enough to know better.  Young enough to do it anyway.
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If this is 40, I’ll take it. I’m just getting started.
Categories: Boston Marathon, marathon, swimming, training for marathon | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

30 Days

I looked at the calendar today and realized that I have one more month of being in my 30’s.  It made me think of what I’ve accomplished, what I want to accomplish, and really, what my life has stood for the last 40 years.  What have a really done? What do I want to do?  I am a thinky person sometimes and then when I think about the meaning of life and the meaning of this and the meaning of that, I can get overthinky. I don’t have a career anymore. I have been a stay-at-home mom since my oldest was five months old and I continue to be one, even as my youngest started 2nd grade last week.  I don’t have my own business that I started in the craft room. I don’t “make my own hours” and sell things to the ladies of the town where I live. While I get down on myself for what I haven’t done, I realize that there’s a lot that I HAVE done.  I realized that I honestly do not care about the things I haven’t done, because if I had cared, I WOULD have done them. Maybe I was lucky enough to gain that 40-year-old wisdom a month before I actually turn 40 and realize that it doesn’t matter as long as I’m happy and that my family is happy. Do I make every moment count like Oprah continuously says? Oh goodness no.  Some days are just perfect for curling up on the couch with a cup of coffee and watching Hallmark Christmas movies. Some days are for going for a non-training jog followed by tailgaiting and drinking beer at a college football game. I sure am not slaying dragons that day, but really, why do we always have to be doing something and accomplishing things when it’s equally good to just be?  Living your life the way you want to and being happy is just as good of accomplishment as getting promoted, getting that big house and having a bank balance that Suze Orman would approve of. So in honor of my impending entrance into my 40’s, I decided to make a list of 40 things that I have done in my life. As little as they may seem, they all add up to where I am today.

What is your list? Besides those things that you can write on a resume, what are the little big things in your life that you have done? What do you WANT to do? Try and see what you come up with as I have, and you could see yourself differently than you did before. Maybe you’ll see a different kind of joy and happiness.  I’m a happy person with a very good life, but I can get discouraged as much as anyone else can.  I let the “haven’t” get in front of the “have” and in doing so, I lose track of what’s REALLY important.  It isn’t my title, my pay check, my number of Facebook friends (or lack thereof), it’s about how I can make the world better, how I can make other people happy, and what I do WITH my life.  In looking back at the things I wrote down, I know I’m on the right track and doing the right thing.

1) Climbed a mountain – this is the view from around the top

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2) Watched a meteor shower in the middle of the night

3) Saw a shooting star at the top of a mountain while camping in Yellowstone with my husband and kids

4) Moved several hundred miles away from home without ever being in the town or knowing anyone

5) Married the love of my life

6) Ran a marathon or six

7) Saved an animal’s life – the little sickly guy below is still living with us but four years later, is healthy and quite robust now

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8) Searched, found, combined, then executed the perfect recipe for sea bass.  Mmmmmm, so good.

9) Made someone’s day

10) Written some really good blog posts

11) Been to over 20 Dave Matthews Band concerts

12) Watched the Christmas Shamu show at Sea World and pretended that I didn’t cry

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13) Read an entire book in one day and got so invested in the characters that I wonder what they’re up to now

14) Decided one day that I wanted a tattoo and went and got one; then got two more as the time was right

15) Showed my horse at the Iowa State Fair

16) Swam across the Cape Fear River – stupid, stupid, stupid, but I won’t ever forget it (nor do it again)

17) Cheered my sons on as they walked their first steps

18) Met the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus

19) Pulled off many surprise visits for my family without letting the surprise slip

20) Decorated a cake and thought it was beautiful

21) Trained to and qualified for the Boston Marathon

22) Rode the ferry from Jersey to NYC and ate NY pizza while looking at the Statue of Liberty

23) Raised funds at different times for different things that I am passionate about (this one also covers #18)

24) Painted so many rooms that I no longer use painters tape

25) Been the first female to cross the finish line at a 5k. Twice.

26) Screamed at the tv during a football game (thanks Clemson and BoSox)

27) Left a $5 bill at the drive through window at McDonald’s for the next driver

28) Learned how to do The Wobble in my kitchen in Texas

29) Rode horses into the wilderness of Montana and camped for a week

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30) Literally waltzed into a room

31) Gone thrift shopping with $20

32) Graduated from college with honors while having a lot of fun along the way

33)  Did the Nes-tea plunge into a pool

34) Did the Superman jump into a big huge mud puddle at the end of a mud race

35) Made friends that mean so much to me that it hurts to not be able to talk to them in person

36) Danced in a club in New Orleans – I don’t actually have a picture of me dancing so this will have to do

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37) Kissed boo boos, wiped noses, applied Neosporin, checked for monsters under beds, explained the simple version of the birds and the bees, secretly put veggie puree into food (sometimes successful, sometimes not so much), thrown up while cleaning up throw up,  and have put the kids on the bus and been there when they’ve gotten off the bus almost every one of their school days

38) Stayed with my silly dog while the vet administered life-ending medicine and realized it was the most difficult thing I’ve had to do at that point in my life; cried while running past the vet for a year after that

39) While walking under the faces at Mt. Rushmore, asked my kids how big their Kleenexes must be

40) Blare loud, inappropriate music in the house while home alone

So there. That’s just a sample of things that I can come up with that I’ve done. It’s pretty random, isn’t it? I guess that’s life.  And the closer I get to being 40, the more I appreciate my life and the people in it. Maybe I’m not as thin as I want to be and don’t have the career I thought I would. But I have all the things in my life that aren’t things at all, and it’s perfect. They’re people I love, experiences, and memories. I’ll take that over any “thing” and grasp hold of age 40 with a zest for life.  “Over The Hill” can suck it. I’m just getting started.

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